I dont agree with the persons who are commenting about dating too soon. I am a young man in my twenties and i lost my wife about six weeks ago to cancer. We date for like 8 years and was married less than a year. Unless you never experience it you will never know the lonliness that is felt. I think it is perfectly ok to have someone special in your life around this time. it doesn't have to be sexual but someone who is committed to listening to you and to always be there for you. i've tried that and it is really helping me heal faster. I am not feeling guilty because my vows were "till death do us part". My wife would never want to see me suffering like this. I was there with her till the end. I will never ever stop loving her, but life goes on
Amen. Only those of us who have walked this path know the tremendous void that is left by the death of a spouse, and the need to try and fill that void.
Best of luck to you. Listen to yourself, figure out what is best for YOU, and pay no heed to those who want to impose their own agenda on your life or your grieving process.
Amen to that too. I guess you're probably not reading this forum anymore, (so this is mostly for others who find themselves in the same situation), but when you were at that point, my wife was not dead yet. It feels like a lot longer, when you are the bereaved husband, than for the many people who, 'oh, just a few weeks ago' went to your wife's funeral. It feels to me, like fully two months, but I realized that the funeral for my wife was only just over a month ago, and her death was under seven weeks ago.
A guy wouldn't want to to take too long to remarry, if he is not going to get into the worldly habit of sex outside of marriage. Trowie, I'd guess you wished you'd married your wife for eight years and dated for one, rather than the other way around!
The conversation came up with a guy at church yesterday, about the worst phone call to EVER have to make, which is to your parents-in-law, when your wife has just died. I said that "IF I ever remarried I'd want to marry someone much younger, who has much older parents, to reduce the risk of ever having to make THAT phone call again!"
The pressure of social expectations was such that the words "if" and "ever" were there, when really I fully want to remarry, but am worried about the thoughts and feelings of my parents-in-law, and other people in my church.
It's never going to seem like it's been as long to other people than it is to me.
Even though I'm in my late-mid forties, and (some) people think that's not very old, my wife was thirty-nine and I've just had a clear reminder of mortality and the need not to waste my remaining time.
If I were obligated to wait a year or more before even THINKING about remarriage, firstly, why should I be lonely for that much unnecessary time, but also, it would make me that much (more perilously) closer to fifty (years old) and less eligible, I think, in the eyes of the single, marriageable-aged, godly women in the church, which kind of probably reduces the pool (of potential romantic partners) below the maybe two there might be now, who have who-knows what opinion on how soon is too soon to spend time with a potential marriage partner! (Or it forces me to look beyond the local church for a mate.) ... And as godliness and faithfulness is high on my list, picking up 'chicks' in bars is the last thing I'd want to!
So here is the question (with more light-hearted multiple-choice answers). You would be expected to agree that it's too soon, with the earlier answers, and at some point you would hopefully decide that it's not too soon! (Note that ALL of them are after the 'til death do you part, end of the marriage contract!)
When is it too soon to see a woman after your wife has died?
A. When the ambulance is still at your house!
B. When you haven't even had the funeral yet!
C. When your house is still full of the flowers sent by the people who came to the funeral.
D. When your wife's clothes and things are still all around your house?
E. When you wife's parents are still grieving?
F. When other people you don't see very often are still giving you their condolences?
G. When your children are still grieving?
H. When your children tell you to start dating?
I. When your friends start introducing women to you?
J. When women start chatting you up?
(Maybe this will never happen, or you still don't recognize it when it does!)
K. When you are old and out of shape?
L. When you retire?
M. When you are dead?
